Senior coupledom pros and cons
Who will be there for you in health – and in sickness
An important and thought-provoking article by Jen Remnant on the British Cost of Living website, which looks at the pluses and minuses of exclusive coupledom as we get older. She grasps the nettle of loneliness and support and questions many of our assumptions about who might be there for us when we really need it.
A couple of paragraphs from her piece:
“Looking further across the life course to explore the commonly identified health issue for older people of loneliness, monogamy can be seen as a contributor to (rather than an inhibitor of) loneliness. If most of our social needs are met by one person, and they leave or die, loneliness is likely to set in – especially if in the preceding years and months the surviving partner was singularly responsible for household care. In fact, the focus on coupledom can be seen to actively police each partner’s access to other intimate relationships, leaving them more vulnerable to loneliness in the event of becoming single. The current ‘slash-and-burn’ approach to the provision of welfare to disabled people and their carers means that in addition to increased risk of loneliness, financial hardship is also a feature of bereavement. The immediate suspension of welfare payments in the event of death, and continued cruelty of the ‘bedroom tax’, exacerbate grief with stress and anxiety.
“If society wasn’t so centred on coupledom, we would be able to collect meaningful data on the potential health outcomes of being single by choice or in a non-traditional relationship. This blog isn’t necessarily advocating that people do not follow a traditional framework for their relationship, but to question the dichotomy of single vs partnered, in a world increasingly defined by fluidity. For good health, what do humans need from each other? If there is a requisite amount of love, friendship, support, desire, respect, care, choice and control – why would it be necessary, or even sensible to try and access all these requisites from one person?”